How to Have Guests – And Enjoy Them

My family lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan and not only is it home to the one and only, world famous Zingerman’s family of businesses, loved by foodies one and all, but it also has a really fantastic public library. Once a year at least (I’m not sure, I don’t live there anymore) they have a book sale at the library made up of, I’m assuming, books that were donated to them. They charge next to nothing for the books, but all the proceeds go to benefit the library, and you can find a lot of really wonderful treasures, if you’re willing to hunt through the piles. The last time they had one of these sales, I sent my mom and sister there on a mission to pick me up any fun/interesting/useful cookbooks they could find (no surprise there), and boy did they hit the jackpot! I finally got to see what bought when I was recently home for Thanksgiving, so I’m just now working my way through them, but there are some totally fun images and great quotes that you should keep an eye out here for in future.

I thought I would start you off with a little quote from one of three Betty Crocker cookbooks that I got. This one was published in 1959 and is entitled Betty Crocker’s Guide to Easy Entertaining: How to Have Guests – And Enjoy Them.
Jack Spratt

From a section called:
What do you do about guests with special diet problems?
“The thoughtful guest who is on such an extremely restricted diet as a salt-free one, for example, does best to regret an invitation to a meal. It is not kind to ask a hostess, who has her hands full anyway, to prepare an entirely separate meal for one. It is even more unkind to refuse the party dishes she has gone to such trouble to prepare. In this case it is better to say, “We are not dining out at all while Bob is on a limited diet, but we’d love to join you anytime you’re planning an after-dinner party.” This gives the hostess a chance to say, “We’ll miss you – but will you join us after dinner?” Or, if late-comers do not suit her plans, “I’m so sorry. We’ll plan an evening together soon.”” (17)

My reaction:

Can you imagine if this were the protocol in this day and age? I mean with all the “special diets” and dietary restrictions that we are all constantly navigating, whether by choice or for health-related issues, if we went by the above advice, we’d never get a chance to eat with people who didn’t have the exact same diet as us, unless we went out to a restaurant of course.

I do not see why bringing your own food to a dinner so that the hostess is not put out and you can still attend would be considered in bad form? And if you are to be a shut-in until you have managed to somehow work your way around your “special diet”, then why would anyone ever choose to stick to their diets? If this isn’t a means of marshalling everyone into one generic diet or cuisine, I don’t know what is! Keep in mind that this is during a period when there was also heavy push to find and stick to “American-style” foods, none of that foreign stuff, particularly if you were an immigrant. Think here about the cooking schools that were so popular during the 1950s and all the packaged and processed convenience foods which were supposed to make life easier without the quality suffering (yeah right!).

Part of me has such a hard time getting behind the above advice because I can’t remember ever having attended such a formal dinner party, which just goes to show you how much more informal we’ve become since then. It’s funny to juxtapose this against a comment which was made at the beginning of this same book which states, “The lives of all of us have changed vastly since we watched our parents preparing for the first big party we can remember…. Our clothes and manners are far more casual. And our entertaining is less formal…” It would seem that we are on a downward slope toward casualness when it comes to entertaining, though I’m sure that more formal dinner parties become the norm as one ages. It is much easier to cobble together a bunch of friends and a hodge podge of dishes when you’re a graduate student than when you are more settled and the opportunity to get together isn’t there as often, then expectations are higher and formality tends to go along with those expectations.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the above quote with you all since it made me laugh when I read it, simply imagining how ridiculous it would be if we all followed those instructions today. I don’t think I’d have any friends and I certainly wouldn’t go out half as much. Today we’re much more accommodating (which, Betty acknowledges can be a hassle it’s true), though this seems almost a necessity given the extent to which dietary restrictions and special diets have gained acceptance across society. It’s practically more unusual to find someone who doesn’t have food allergies or special needs. I find it’s always good to look back into the past to give our present circumstances some perspective, and this certainly has done that for me.

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One Comment on “How to Have Guests – And Enjoy Them”

  1. taylor Says:

    Times have changed and the rules of etiquette when dealing with special diets have (thankfully) changed. Everyone is just so much more relaxed, and doesn’t treat the opting out of a dish as an insult. I was raised with the old rules, and was made to eat everything offered to me. Now, as a vegetarian, I still eat everything offered to me except, of course, meat. About a year ago, an 85-year-old client of mine offered me split pea soup with ham as a special going-away lunch, and I simply could not refuse her offer since she was from a different time, and I did not want to insult her. I ate the soup. Had a 40-year-old client offered me the soup, I would have respectfully declined, since they, as well, are from a different time.


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